I know. Divorce can be devastating, but there are so many reasons why you can’t let heartache consume you. Your future is at stake and it is going to require tunnel-vision to rebuild your life. Continuing to dwell on past hurts and indiscretions can be a surefire way to stay stuck in misery and paralysis. At the end of the day, it compromises your own personal philosophies.
Here are some reasons to consider:
It’s a waste of energy! The brain cells that you use “wondering why/why not” will better serve you when spent on making a to-do list of what you will need to establish your life as newly single.
Remove all of the focus from what your spouse did or didn’t do so that you can learn or retrain yourself on how to put yourself first in your own life. This is especially true if you have been married for a long time. As women, we are natural nurturers and can often become lost in taking care of others.
Channel that energy into improvements in your health (physically, mentally, spiritually, and educationally). Getting a hair/makeup/fashion makeover can do wonders for your self-esteem and we all know that there is more to learn in life day by day. Looking at yourself in a new light is a great motivator. this will help to keep you from looking at your past as a victim. Present yourself to the world as new; not broken. Seek your own peace in the healthiest ways possible.
If you have children (of any age), allow them to see your strengths, not your weaknesses. They do worry about you, but it is still your job as a parent to show them that you can thrive in spite of all that has occurred. The funny thing is that while you are practicing this exercise, it becomes your reality.
If you have family or friends that want to man-bash all the time, choose to love them from afar. You don’t need that kind of energy. It becomes a distraction and can only add to the drama and distress that you are working to overcome.
This a time of personal development for you. If you are constantly pre-occupied by the noise in your head that plays a continuous loop in your head of all of the complains and disappointments that you have suffered, then there will never be any time for you!
I know that when many of us took the vow of ” ’til death do us part”, the only death that we could imagine was death of the body. However, there can be more than one form of death. I am not advocating that we take these vows frivolously, but sometimes it was only meant to be for a season (Ecclesiastes 3). Gather all of the good memories that you shared with your spouse and smile; then press on with the aspirations that will improve your lot in life.
If there is any “looking back” to be done, the do so only if you are trying to figure out what your mistakes were in the relationship; even if the only thing that you can acknowledge is that you should have never married in the first place. After all, there were two of you in it and no one is totally blameless. Ask yourself, “What did I miss?” What would I have done differently. Don’t carry the same baggage relationship. No one is going to want to taste your “sour grapes”. This lesson(s) is for you only, but don’t dwell too long. Keep it movin’!
Embarrassment and shame are counter-productive. Everyone has a story to tell about a time when their relationship was less than perfect. Hold your head high!
Reason # 10
Don’t burden your mind or heart with animosity. Let it go!!! This is a practiced skill.
Equip yourself to become a blessing to someone that is going through the same trial as you are. Lead by example. Fake it ’til you make. it. One day you will wake up and realize that you made it through the worst part. All of this is a journey an the greatest issue of importance is that you must become completely honest and transparent with yourself.
Please share with me some of the issues that you are difficult to overcome. I would love to be able to share my perspective with you to “make life look the way you want it to”.